


Homestuck 11th Anniversary Countdown

by TheHopeyMage



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU of various sorts, Anthrocon mention idk anything about furries so if its fucked up i am genuinely sorry, Canon-Typical Violence, D&D, F/F, Humanstuck, Paradox Space (Homestuck), Pesterquest, Warrior Cats mention, casual homophobia, discussion of triggers, family au, legit im tagging that because its funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23302846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHopeyMage/pseuds/TheHopeyMage
Summary: This is where i'm gonna post my writing for the HS11th prompts!! You can find event details here: https://twitter.com/hsartkind/status/1234651950945374208I'm probably not gonna do all of em but ill post whatever I do! These are all gonna be one offs, but if you want me to continue any of them feel free to let me know!!
Relationships: Aradia Megido & Damara Megido, Dirk Strider & Kankri Vantas, Jade Harley/Nepeta Leijon, Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak (implied/minor), Terezi Pyrope & Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 5





	1. 3/21: Megido Appreciation

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: 3/21 Megido Appreciation - Aries season begins!
> 
> I guess this is sort of an Earth/Family AU? The Handmaid is Aradia and Damara's Mom. Also in this AU Damara has a speech impediment that makes it hard to speak full sentences, so she learned really shitty Japanese in order to cover it up. This is partially because I find it more interesting and partially because Damara is painful to write if I don't have some sort of work around for her being... like that :^/.

Aradia sits in her block. It just so happens that today is her 6th Wriggling day. Despite this, it seems as though today will be no different from yesterday, or the day before that. She will not be inviting people over to her apartment, nor will she be celebrating with her family. Her apartment is far too small for guests anyway. Apparently doing a crime bosses dirty work doesn’t pay that well. She gets a notification on her phone.

twinArmageddons began pestering apocalypseArisen

TA: Hey aa.

TA: Happy wriiggliing day.

TA: Hello?

TA: Gue22 iill ju2t giive you your pre2ent whenever ii 2ee you.

Aradia get up from her bed and pockets her phone. She needs some breakfast. She walks down a short hallway into the kitchen.

Damara: ママは今日帰ってこない

Aradia: st0p d0ing that

Aradia: its 0ffensive

Damara: BITCH.

Aradia doesn’t respond. She has been in a bit of a depression lately. Not the sort of depression that is instigated by becoming a ghost but the regular type of depression. Along with Damaras increased aggression, the household is hard to live in. While Aradia’s sister has become angry, Aradia has become apathetic. This is what makes it that much more shocking when a look of surprise comes upon her face.

Aradia: what is that

Damara lays a cake down on the table and pokes a fork into it. She sits across from Aradia. Unsure what to do, Aradia sits down and grabs a fork. She takes a bite.

Aradia: 0_0

Aradia: what is this ab0ut

Aradia: if y0u are trying t0 c0nvince me t0 d0 ch0res f0r y0u i am uninterested

Damara: FUCK. SHUT IT.

Aradia takes a bite of cake.

Damara: MOM. SHE’S NOT COMING.

Aradia: 0kay

Damara: …

Aradia: this isnt surprising

Aradia: im n0t upset

Damara: YOU DON’T GET IT.

Aradia: whats there n0t t0 get

Damara: 彼女が死にました

Aradia: i t0ld y0u damara st0p d0ing that

Damara: DEAD.

Aradia: wait

Aradia: what

Damara: SHE IS GONE.

Aradia: what

Aradia: n0 that cant be true

Aradia: n0

Damara looks at her sister with more sympathy than she has given anyone in many years.

Aradia: i cant

Aradia: im g0ing t0 bed

Damara: STOP.

Damara: DON’T.

Aradia: why

Aradia: whats the p0int

Aradia: i knew this w0uld happen

Aradia: y0u d0nt need t0 c0mmune with spirits t0 predict this

Aradia: there is n0 p0int and im tired and i want t0 g0 t0 bed

Damara: NO!!!

Damara gets up and grabs Aradia’s arm. She touches Aradia’s shoulder. The sympathy is still in Damara’s eyes, but now there is an intensity in them as well. A fury.

Damara: NO DESPAIRING.

Damara: GET ANGRY.

Aradia: whats the p0int

Damara: 彼女が死んだら英語が私を連れて行くと彼女は言った

Aradia: what

Damara: IM NEXT!

Damara: PLEASE!!

Aradia: what d0 y0u want us t0 d0?

Damara kneels down to eye level with Aradia and speaks uncharacteristically soft.

Damara: REVENGE.


	2. 3/26 AU Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 3/26 AU Hours - Medievalstuck? Furrystuck? Dave English? Vriska Megido? Have an AU where your favorite troll didn’t die? An AU where Sonic ascends on The Land of Green Hills and Special Stages? Go wild.
> 
> So basically I decided to go with some Humanstuck Jadenep! They are 20somethings living in an apartment. Sorry they started talking about boys so early in the story, I am just incredibly intrigued by the prospect of someone like Jade and someone like Equius dating someone at the same time. Also I had no idea how to end it and i was writing this at midnight so cut me some slack lmao

Nepeta: :33< Hey Jade!

Jade shifts in her bed, half asleep. Her eyelids heavy, she forces herself up. 

Jade: mmmmm…

Jade: babe… what time is it?

Nepeta: :33< Four! 

Jade squints at her excited partner. 

Jade: why the heck are you up at four? 

Nepeta jumps on the bed by Jades side. 

Nepeta: :33< beclaws!! 

She puts a tray of food on Jades lap. 

Nepeta: :33< today is a very special day! 

Jade smiles and laughs. She is clearly annoyed at being woken up so early, but she can’t stay mad at Nepeta. 

Jade: thanks babe :)

Jade: can i have a few more hours of sleep?

Nepeta: :33< Sorry, I was just so excited, I couldn’t sl33p!! 

Jade yawns and rubs her eyes. She looks at her lover for a moment. Nepeta dressed up in a full suit, complete with tailcoats and a literal fox tail pinned to the back of it. It is quite the combo. This isn’t a normal look for Nepeta, but they look quite good in a button up shirt. 

Jade: wait…

Jade: i thought you were staying at equius place last night? how did you get here so fast?

Nepeta: :33< h33h33, don’t worry, he drove me. 

Equius is about the most peculiar person Jade has ever met, and definitely the strangest as far as metamours go. However, they have bonded over a shared interest in robotics. 

Jade: hows he doing?

Nepeta: :33< He’s making it… he just got turned down recently, but he’s actually taking it purrtty well!

Jade: oh god, it wasn’t aradia was it?

Nepeta: :33< Yeah. :((

Jade: they are so incompatable…

Nepeta: :33< Yeah, and I told him that, I think he just had to ask to get it out of his system. They had a really bad relationship in highschool… At this point, I’m just trying to be suppurrtive. 

Jade: that’s fair… you sure he doesn’t need you today?

Nepeta: :33< Nope! I talked to him about it, I’m all yours today!! 

Jade: alright… you don’t need his permission to do stuff though.

Nepeta: :33< I know!! 

Nepeta: :33< Today isn’t about him!!

Jade: hehe, youre right, sorry

Nepeta: :33< So… You need sleep?

Nepeta: :33< Sorry I woke you up so early…

Jade: nah, im up now. 

Jade grabs a fork. Nepeta made eggs, sunny side up. She takes a bite of toast, then cuts into the eggs. 

Jade: mmmm this is soooooo good!

Nepeta: :33< Hunger flavors all!!

Jade: true hehehe

Jade: i like your outfit by the way :)

Nepeta: :33< Thank you. 

Nepeta kisses their girlfriend on the forehead. 

Nepeta: :33< I’ve got a lot planned today. But I’ve got nothing planned between three and four…

Jade: hmmm…

Jade: i kind of want to get out and experience some nature, you know?

Nepeta: :33< Wanna go bird watching?

Jade: oooooo that sounds nice 

Nepeta shakes her hands and grins from ear to ear. 

Nepeta: :33< I’m so excited, Jade, today is going to be so nice!!!

Jade: hehehe, yes it will :)

Jade: thanks for breakfast!!

Jade: oh, i almost forgot, i got you a gift… I got two, but the second is for equius, I don’t really like going to these things haha. I heard you were interested in going but never have sooo…

Nepeta: :33< :00 

She leans over to her bedstand and rummages through a drawer before pulling out two sheets of paper. 

Jade: here you go!!

Nepeta: :33< Jade!! Is that…? Tickets to anthrocon!?

Jade: happy anniversary babe!

Nepeta: :33< Furick yeah, Warrior Cats meetup here I come!!


	3. 3/28 Redraw Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 3/28 Redraw Day - Or rather recreate in any art form? Draw a favorite moment from canon! Describe it from an alternative perspective in a drabble. Make a music tune for a particular story beat! Show us which part of Homestuck hit different.
> 
> Soooo i decided to re-write pages 3841-3844 from the perspective of Terezi. I've been watching revscarecrow read homestuck on twitch, and when he got to that part i thought about it for quite a bit. This is pretty short, but I wrote a lot of other stuff today so I'm giving myself a liiiiiiiiiiittle break 0u0

Her body drops. Terezi stands there. She waits. She knows what her conditional mortality will rule, but she waits anyway. She waits, and nothing happens. Nothing but the gentle dripping of cerulean off of her cane sword. Terezi almost captulogues the blade. She almost does this to avoid looking at the blood, which is ironic, not only because she can’t take her gaze off of the body in front of her, but also because she can’t actually see any of it. But the smell, the smell is unbearable. She can’t stop smelling it. For the first time in a long time she wishes she had her sight so her senses would no longer be overloaded by the scent of blood. She hears footsteps behind her. She does not face them

Karkat: OH MY GOD…

Terezi turns around. Karkat looks at the gruesome scene. Then, he shows her a note. A note in her quirk, definitely not written by her. Vriska was right. Terezi has never been so utterly fooled in her life. For once she was blinded, not literally, but mentally. This doesn’t change what she had to do, but it sours the sense of justice she had walking up those stairs. She doesn’t cry. Not yet. She starts breathing shakily. Karkat looks at her. Terezi looks through him. Her lips wobble. 

Karkat has many words. He has many words for her. Words of concern and love. Concern for a friend that turned their mutual friend into a corpse. Love for a friend he thinks he failed. He has many words for himself. Words of disappointment and vitriol. Disappointment that he wasn’t there for her sooner, vitriol for not being caring or loving enough. Despite all the words he has, for once he doesn’t say any of them.

Karkat hugs Terezi. If he were to explain himself in the future, he would say that he just didn’t want to look at her face as she broke into tears and sobs. The truth is, he just wished the best for her. He holds her as tightly as he can. Compared to the strength of Karkat’s friends, his grip isn’t nearly as tight. Terezi holds on even softer. She can’t summon the strength. All she can do is be there.


	4. 4/1 Pesterquest Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 4/1 Pesterquest Day - Strider caps off our main cast and possible conclusion to Homestuck’s visual novel game!
> 
> So I wanted to write way more but instead I replayed the Dirk Route and Afterw@rd like three times and now its 1 AM. SO instead I did a little writing on some PQ Postgame????? I loved that so much I GENUINELY might turn this into a full fledged fic at some point when I have slightly fewer projects on my plate. Sorry if this sucks, again, its 1 AM so i cant judge quality right now!!

I tie all I can up as well as I can. I gave them all a piece of my hoodie. All they would have to do is hold it and call to me, and I would take them wherever they need to go. As their first guardian, I feared that would sever me from them. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they all still considered me their friend. Now I watch over this reality as it’s first guardian. 

Years go by. They leave the house, they learn to drive, they take over and topple governments. They have their first kiss, they learn how to love each other, they learn how to forgive themselves, and they live. They really live. 

An apartment in Texas, not the same one Dave grew up in, but it is where Dave lives for now. He has plans to move, but for now he is making a life for himself. He is holding a get together at his place. When the guests arrive, they all get comfortable. Jade and Nepeta bond with each other on the couch. Dave is laughing and smiling with Dirk, Karkat, and John. Kanaya is introducing Rose, Roxy, and Jane to Feferi. Jake and I are considering what kind of party activities they all should partake in.

Although not everyone is there, I can tell where they are. Eridan is sewing a dress while he grumbles to himself about Feferi betraying her throne, Gamzee is being messaged by Tavros, who’s life has improved greatly. Tavros is trying to convince him to move planets. Tavros is simultaneously playing online feduspawn. Equius worries about his moirail who is off at a party on Earth. Terezi and Vriska are leading a rally. Sollux is anonymously destroying Tavros at online feduspawn. Aradia vibes. 

Jade has been traveling the world. She and Becquerel have seen more freedom in the last few years than the first 13 of her life. John has been visiting a therapist. Dave has spread his wings, getting a start as a musician. Rose has been exploring the wonderful world of alien culture, and showing John the wonderful world of earth lesbian culture, of which they have had an increasing interest in for one reason or another. Jane and Roxy have been spending a lot of time together taking down the batterwitch’s regime. Dirk and Jake are… figuring it out. All of your friends are figuring out their lives the best they can and I am so, so proud of them for it. 

Sometimes I remember Homestuck. It was alright. The plot went pretty fuckin’ wild, but the characters? I can’t even begin to say how compelling the characters are. The people you know and love have earned every wonderful thing they have gotten. They have had strife, they have learned lessons, but they are experiencing life to its fullest. You cannot wait for them to explore the universe. 

Every day is the beginning of something truly excellent.


	5. 4/4 Dream Bubble Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 4/4 Dream Bubble Shenanigans - For our dead inhabitants. This includes the Dancestors, dead versions of the Beta Trolls, Beta Kids, and Alpha Kids, and any other characters and situations you may find fitting for Sburb’s ghost town!!
> 
> WARNING: this contains discussion of triggers and casual homophobia!! If there are any warnings I should have included that I missed, please comment and I will edit.
> 
> So, I decided, for dream bubbles, why not have the two characters with the biggest most incompatible sticks up their asses be forced into having a conversation? As you could imagine, it's a bit of a clusterfuck.

Your name is Dirk Strider. You just got done preparing the pieces to one of your newest robots when you got a notification from Pesterchum. You decide that now is about as good a time as any for a break, so you answer the message.

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

uu: HELLO DIRK IN THE PAST.

uu: LET’S PLAY A GAME.

TT: Alright.

uu: DON’T FUCK WITH ME.

uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME WITH YOu. AND WE ARE GOING TO PLAY A GAME.

TT: I said I’d play.

uu: OH, OKAY. WELL THEN.

uu: I HAVE SOME DRAWING REQUESTS.

TT: Sure thing bro.

uu: IF YOu FAIL TO DRAW THAT WHICH I DEMAND.

uu: THERE WILL BE CONSEQuENCES.

uu: AND WHEN CONSEQuENCES HAPPEN IS WHEN BLOOD BEGINS TO FLOW.

uu: YOuR FuTuRE SELF SPENDS ALL HIS TIME BEING IN THE FuTuRE. HE PRIORITIZES BEING IN THE FuTuRE AND FIGHTING DRONES OVER PLAYING MY GAMES.

uu: YOuR PAST SELF SHOuLD CONSIDER THE COSTLY INDISCRETION OF YOuR FuTuRE SELF’S BEHAVIOR. BEHAVIOR WHICH ENTAILS BEING IN THE FuTuRE AND NOT FOLLOWING MY COMMANDS.

TT: Dude, I’m sitting here with my stylus ready to go. Do you want me to draw you some porn or not.

uu: uM.

uu: DID I MENTION PORNOGRAPHY?

TT: No.

uu: OKAY. THEN WHY WOuLD YOu MENTION IT?

TT: Because I remember my lines. 

TT: Who are you.

uu: I’M LORD ENGLISH.

TT: Wow, wrong again. 

TT: Listen, I was thinking about humoring you, but I need you to cut to the chase.

uu: HOW DID YOu KNOW I AM NOT LORD ENGLISH?

TT: Because I knew your lines better than you. And the fact that I can tell what you were supposed to be saying means I’m more than likely in the dream bubbles. This means I am either unconscious or dead, so which is it.

uu: IF YOu REMEMBER ALL THIS SHOULDN’T YOU BE ABLE TO TELL ME?

TT: I didn’t remember, I extrapolated. There is a significant difference. 

TT: Now that the jig is up, who the fuck are you?

uu: OH, YOuRE RIGHT, I SUPPOSE I NO LONGER HAVE TO POSE AS THIS PERSON.

uu: IT WAS RATHER UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE QuITE HONEST. 

uu: ONE MOMENT.

undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased trolling timaeusTestified [TT]

You turn off your computer. Before you even have time to anticipate your guest, he is here. He is standing a good six feet away from you. You don’t think you have ever met this troll.

Kankri: My ap9l9gies f9r the decepti9n. If I’m t9 6e quite h9nest, I’m n9t sure why the dream bubbles decided I sh9uld 6e the 9ne t9 intr9duce y9u t9 the afterlife. I have n9 real c9nnecti9n t9 y9u, n9r d9 I t9 the juvenile L9rd English wh9 was speaking t9 y9u. Alth9ugh perhaps it was s9 I c9uld c9nnect m9re with my dancest9r, 6eing a l9ud a6rasive pers9n wh9 types in gray. Although I find Karkat to 6e much more agreea6le than the unf9rtunate individual wh9’s r9le I was given.

Kankri: 9h, als9, I’m s9rry if my r9leplay wasn’t exactly the same, I just f9und his 6ehavi9r a 6it t99 unsav9ry to emulate myself, never mind act 9ut t9 s9me9ne else with9ut giving them pr9per warning.

Dirk: Jesus fucking Christ dude. It’s fine. I don’t give a shit about your garbage roleplay. His name was Caliborn by the way. 

Kankri: My mistake, see I wasn’t even given-

Dirk: It’s my turn to talk. If I’m in the dream bubbles that means I fucked up somewhere along the line. I need to get myself up to speed as soon as possible and get back to getting shit done. I don’t mean to pressure you, but I’m in kind of a hurry.

Kankri: Right, I will d9 my best. I’m n9t quite used t9 guiding the newly deceased, as the wh9le pr9cess makes me incredibly unc9mf9rtable and usually entails the expl9ration 9f a variety 9f p9tentially triggering subjects with9ut pri9r warning, which I am n9t a fan 9f. 

Dirk: Alright, I’m sorry man. Does like. Death as a concept fuck with you? Because if it does, I totally understand if you need to sit this one out, my life kind of has a lot of it.

Kankri: N9, death as a su6ject d9es n9t 69ther me at all, I am m9re c9ncerned a69ut the safety 9f 9thers.

Dirk: What? What “9thers”? Were the only two people here. It’s my life, and I’m telling you I can handle it. In fact, the more time we spend here discussing whether or not its appropriate to explore the subject of my fucking life, the more my friends could potentially be getting hurt. So how about we hurry this whole process along?

Kankri: I understand y9ur c9ncern, 6ut I think handling the f9ll9wing c9ntent with tact and care is imp9rtant.

Dirk: Fuck me, okay. Well the, lets tag this one with a big “#CW: The many layers of fucked up shit that goes on in the life and times of Dirk Strider”, and move past the part of my life where a genocidal man child was asking my 13 year old self to draw pornography. 

Kankri: Dirk, I understand that y9u are upset, 6ut 6eing purp9sefully pr9v9cative as s9me s9rt of revenge f9r me inc9nveniencing y9u with a discussi9n 9n pr9per 9nline- I mean IRL etiquette is c9mpleatly inappr9priate! N9w I really d9 n9t mean t9 waste y9ur time, 6ut I think this has 9pened this discussion int9 s9me very imp9rtant t9pics which-

Dirk: Fuck this.

You pass this sweatered ghost and jump onto your roof. There, you look up at the sky. You don’t see much, other than a flock of seagulls toying with the idea of picking some fish out of the endless sea. 

Dirk: What’s your name?

Kankri: My name is Kankri. I d9nt much appreciate-

Dirk: Why isn’t it changing Kankri.

Kankri: Wait, what? I d9nt much-

Dirk: We’re in a dream bubble and I know I am in a dream bubble then things should start shifting or something, Right?

Kankri: N9. Y9u y9urself stated the difference 6etween remem6ering and extrap9lating. You may kn9w y9u are in a dream 6u66le, 6ut that d9es n9t mean y9u remem6er getting there. 

Dirk: Okay. So how do I start remembering?

Kankri: Let’s start with what y9u were d9ing in this mem9ry. What exactly were you d9ing? And please, try to st9p y9urself fr9m phrasing it in the m9st upsetting way p9ssible. I c9uld always just refuse t9 help, 6ut instead I am d9ing my best. 

Dirk: Alright.

Dirk: Caliborn was asking me to draw shit as part of some “game” of his that wasn’t really a game at all. 

Kankri: What was he asking y9u t9 draw? As l9ng as it isn’t t99 graphic.

Dirk: Just drawings of my friends and I like. Holding hands and shit. Think you can handle that?

Kankri: 9h. typically I w9uldn’t 6e particularly c9mf9rtable with that, 6ut my issue is m9re with the practice than the discussi9n, s9 I will be alright. Thank y9u f9r asking.

Dirk: Oh, alright then. 

Kankri: Is that all? the y9ung cheru6 wh9 w9uld later 6ec9me L9rd English was just… asking y9u t9 draw RPF? Definitely pr96lematic… 6ut that seems a 6it simple f9r his later level 9f despica6le villainy.

Dirk: Pretty much. I mean he didn’t ask me to draw myself with the one person I wanted to draw myself with. I remember being kind of steamed about that back then. 

Kankri: A childh99d crush?

Dirk: You could say that. His name was Jake.

Kankri: 9h, this was y9ur sessi9ns 9ther male human.

Dirk: Uh, yeah it was.

Dirk: Kind of odd for you to take note of that.

Kankri: It isn’t particularly relevant, I’m just taking n9te 9f the fact that y9u 9nly had feelings f9r the male 9f y9ur friend gr9up. D9 y9u happen t9 6e 9ne 9f th9se human “gays” I’ve heard s9 much a69ut?

Dirk: Fucking hell dude, is now really the time to be pontificating on my sexuality?

Kankri: I kn9w it’s a 6it 9ff t9pic, I just f9und it interesting. Y9u d9n’t seem very human gay fr9m what I have heard.

Dirk: How many other humans have you met?

Kankri: None, 6ut fr9m what I gather they tend to be weak or lack masculine traits that are typical of humans. C9uld it 6e that y9u are 9verc9mpensating for this fact?

Dirk: Wow.

Dirk: I cannot even begin to unpack how fucked up what you just said was.

Dirk: I thought your gimmick was being sensitive about issues and shit, I really did not expect to experience any significant amount of homophobia in my lifetime on account of the entirety of humanity being extinct. Even Caliborn never said shit like that. Jesus Christ dude. 

Kankri: What? What did I say? 

Dirk: Where did you even get that idea from?

Kankri: I 9verheard s9me gh9sts of humans discussing “gay j9kes”

Dirk: I thought you said you never met any humans.

Kankri: I didn’t talk t9 them, I was just in the area. 

Kankri: If y9ur gayness is a p9int 9f sensitivity feel free t9 tell me as such and I can tag issues relating t9 h9m9sexuality. I never meant t9-

Dirk: Shut up.

Kankri: Excuse me?

Dirk: Shut the fuck up.

Kankri: I d9n’t think that’s-

Dirk: No. It’s my turn. What the fuck do you think you are doing?

Kankri: I-

Dirk: Because if you think whatever the hell you are doing could in any universe be considered “helping” you are sorely fucking mistaken. I think I finally understand you. You have this sensitivity gimmick not because you care about the feelings of others, but to cover up the fact that you actually don’t give a single solitary shit about other people’s problems. If you just say the buzzwords that make you sound educated and thoughtful then you don’t need to actually pay attention to the problems of the people around you, is that right?

Kankri: …

Dirk: You think you are this smart dude who helps people, but in reality, all you do is condescend and insult all the people you claim care about. In reality, you never cared about any issue that didn’t directly pertain to your personal problems, huh? Don't try to act like you know a fucking thing about me.

Dirk: Every act of kindness is really just some underhanded way to help yourself feel better.

Dirk: Well guess what? I’m not interested in dealing with your horseshit. 

You draw your blade.

Dirk: Unless I am alive and physically in this dream bubble, I should be able to fly.

You levitate off the ground.

Dirk: Perfect.

Dirk: Now, I’m going to fly off and raise hell until someone gives me some fucking answers.

Dirk: Later, douche.


	6. 4/9 Paradox Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 4/9 Paradox Space Day- Summerteen Romance? Night at the 100dseum? Vrisky Business? A classic collection of comics from the golden era of the fandom.
> 
> I decided to do a Post-Retcon version of Soul-fraying Games 0u0 I had a lot of fun with this shitshow.

4FT3R TWO SW33PS 1T’S F1N4LLY COM1NG TOG3TH3R. TH3 CULM1N4T1ON OF 4 C4SC4D3 OF SH3N4N1G4NS COM3 TOG3TH3R 1N 4 COLL1S1ON OF FORC3S B3YOND 4NYON3’S CONTROL. TH3R3 YOU S33 H1M. TH3 3MP3ROR, WHO R4V4G3D TH3 K1NGDOM AND D3STROY3D F4M1L13S B3FOR3 YOUR 3Y3S. H3 S1TS 1N FRONT OF YOU. WH4T DO YOU DO?

Vriska: O8viously I’m gonna sta8 him!!

Karkat: OH MY FUCKING GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Dave: its the last boss we need to strategize

Dave: we carried this burning garbage pile of a party for so long we might as well do this right

Kanaya: This Makes Sense

Kanaya: This Is Going To Go So Horribly

Rose: To be fair, this is probably what her character would do.

Rose: This is top tier roleplay.

Vriska: Thank you. ::::)

Terezi: OK4Y, BUT L1K3 

Terezi: 4R3 YOU 4CTU4LLY DO1NG THAT?

Karkat: PLEASE NO.

Vriska: Yes!!!!!!!!

Karkat: FUCK.

Terezi: ROLL.

Vriska: 8!!!!!!!!

Terezi: WHY DO YOU SOUND EXC1T3D, YOU ROLL3D 4 D20!!

Vriska: Well, yeah, 8ut……..

Vriska: I wouldn’t 8e getting such 8ad rolls if you just let me t8ke some luck!

Dave: no way that so cheating

Dave: you dont see me going foreword in time to check out what shit we gotta deal with in the future

Vriska: Dave, our powers are VERY different in aplic8tion. 

Karkat: NO POWERS IN THE FUCKING ROLLPLAYING GAME, THAT DEFEATS THE POINT COMPLETELY.

Vriska: Uuuuuuuugh, guys! It’s like you don’t even want to win!

Vriska: ANYWAY!!!!!!!!

Vriska: Do I hit him or n8!?

Terezi: OBV1OUSLY NO.

Vriska: Narr8 asshole!!

M1NDF4NG RUNS TO TH3 H34D OF THE GROUP. SH3 SPR1NTS TOW4RDS TH3 3MP3ROR 4ND H3 DODG3S H3R SWORD SL4SH. H3 COMM3NTS ON YOUR 3G3RN3SS TO B4TTL3 AND PULLS OUT 4 L4RG3 SP1KED FL41L. ROLL 1N1T14T1V3. 

Kanaya: Thirteen

Dave: fuck

Dave: 7

Karkat: FIFTEEN.

Vriska: FOUR???????? UGH.

Terezi: ROS3?

Rose: 20.

Terezi: YOU 4R3 SO 1NFUR14T1NG.

Vriska: Hey!!!!!!!!

Vriska: What the f8ck!!!!!!!!

Vriska: No, fuck this, she che8ted!!!!!!!!!

Terezi: YOU G3T TH4T SOM3T1M3S P3OPL3 JUST NORM4LLY G3T LUCKY BR34KS, R1GHT?

Vriska: Shes a Light player!! There is no w8y in hell she got that 20 naturally!

Rose: My classpect doesn’t work the same as yours. I’m pretty sure you know that.

Vriska: But if you can SEE pro8a8ility then how do we know you weren’t passively changing your actions to effect outcomes!!

Vriska: It would have 8een in ways we couldn’t notice if we weren’t looking, 8ut now I’m sure!!

Vriska: Admit it! You have 8een cheating this whole time!

Terezi: VR1SK4, G3T YOUR FOOT OFF TH3 T4BL3

Vriska: Sorry.

Terezi: SO WH4T, DO YOU W4NT M3 TO B4N H3R?

Vriska: NO!!!!!!!! I want you to let ME use my powers too!!!!!!!!

Rose: If it means anything, no, I haven’t been participating in subtle RNG manipulation in real life. 

Rose: As amusing as that idea is. 

Vriska: I’m glad you find it so amusing, 8ecause that’s your power!

Rose: How so?

Vriska: You see a fortuitous future, and you take action to make sure you get a good 8r8k! How is that not RNG manipulation? Its CLASSIC g8mesprinter tactic!

Dave: yo gamesprinter is a dumbass word for that

Vriska: Then what do YOU call them wiseass!!

Dave: speedrunners.

Vriska: That’s so vague!!

Terezi: HMMMM

Terezi: NO, TH4TS 4 B3TT3R N4M3

Vriska: WH8T?

Karkat: *WHAT*!?

Terezi: TH4TS B3S1D3 TH3 PO1NT!

Terezi: NO, 1 WONT P3M1T SUP3R POW3RS

Terezi: ROS3, 1F YOU H4V3 B33N CH34T1NG, STOP

Terezi: C4N W3 PL34S3 MOV3 ON >:[

Vriska: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Vriska: We JUST esta8lished that we can’t tell if shes cheating!! Just let me cheat!

Karkat: RAAAAAAAAGGHGGGGGGG!!!!

Kanaya: …

Dave: …

Vriska: …

Rose: …

Terezi: … K4RK4T

Terezi: WHY D1D YOU FL1P TH3 T4BL3

Karkat: SORRY I JUST…

Karkat: I GOT STRESSED OUT…


End file.
